Dear Miley Cyrus,
I'm contacting you on behalf of my eyeballs and ears. As they themselves cannot speak, I will take the liberty of translating their wishes into words. Pardon their tone; they see and hear many things that disturb them and after awhile they simply lose their patience.
You started out your career as a cute little southern girl whom everyone adored. Your show, Hannah Montana, consisted of silly humor and witty banter that kids found hilarious. It was all good and fun until you started growing up.
Among other things, Ms. Cyrus, two words I would never use to describe you would be talented and sexy. You can't sing and can't act, yet you relentlessly pursue the two careers with a vengeance. You're popular with 11 year-olds and ill-advised high school girls, so that should tell you how "talented" you actually are. But as if that weren't enough, you started to think you were sexy as well (I demand to know who told you such a blatent lie, as I think they deserve a swift kick in the ass), and a direct result of this was "sexy" photo shoots that were posted all over the web where, to be honest, you look ridiculous.
However, regardless of these handicaps, you continue to sing, act, and take gruesome photos of yourself in your underwear, making a hideous kissy face that makes me want to punch you in the kidney.
I guess, in retrospect, it's not solely your fault. You are living in a Hollywood that is obsessed with looks and often cares nothing about actual talent. I'm sure the fact that people coo to you sweet lies only worsens the fact. But I think it's about time you learned the truth, doll face:
You sound like you've been smoking since the age of 7, and when you sing I liken it to nails on a chalkboard. You may be cute, but that doesn't mean I want to see you in your underwear. There are a million other women whom I would rank above you in the sexyness department, so please keep your clothes on. The Vanity Fair photo shoot of yours looked like you stole Mommy's lipstick and smeared it across your face and all the other makeup you had on made you look like a propped up corpse.
So do us all a favor and just shut up. Keep your silly little show for kids, but let's keep the singing and acting to the Disney channel, all right, love? I've seen sexier pole dances and photos done by cats, so stop trying to be something you're not.
You're not talented.
You can't sing.
You can't act.
You're not sexy.
You're not an artist.
Please take action immediately. My eyes and ears thank you.
With love,
A Woman Made of Dust
Salt
1 year ago
9 comments:
A woman who speaks her mind completely without reserve or regard... Not completely unheard of but still Awesome. You do so eloquently.
A great start to a great little blog, thank you for visiting my place and the comment, I have replied. Agree wholeheartedly about M Cyrus. Oh, and thank you for following Life is Just Like That...
I am going to add you to my Blogger's Cafe:
http://avarchives.blogspot.com/
under Novice Bloggers and see how you develop your blog.
One comment, add pictures to your posts; for example MC with a group of adoring 11's would have been a great reinforcer of your comment. It breaks up text, adds colour and interest to a post, also people find blogs by clicking on Google images.
Good luck
AV
i think i've missed the whole miley cyrus thing. it's like a fell asleep for a tad too long and all of a sudden everyone either loved her or hated her.
funny blog btw :)
Awesome! I love it. And, oh so true! Thanks to your eyes and ears...they hit the nail on the head.
Ha! A brilliant blog concept. Miley grates on my nerves too - especially when I find myself absentmindedly singing along to a song of hers on the radio. Argh.
LMAO!
You had me at, "I'm writing you on behalf of my eyeballs and ears." That's all I needed!!!!!!!!
Of course I read the rest, and the following... and laughed loud enough to wake up my neighbor.
I'll be following ~ love anyone who's not afraid to dish and say to those who don't agree: "Shut up... go away!" LMAO again.
Check me out when you have a second. Not as ranty as yours, but maybe something there.
www.coachyourmind.blogspot.com
-Dayne
AV: Thanks so much for the suggestion. I will be sure to post pictures from here on out. I think you are right; it will add that last, perfect little touch.
not to defend her or anything, but in all fairness, is it really her fault that she became famous?
correct me if i'm wrong, but if people decided to not listen/watch/etc her music/movies/etc then POOF goes her talentless career, right?
hollywood can be absurdly stupid [for the most] but it's still democratic.
don't hate the celebrity, hate the cunts [excuse me language] that turn them into a celebrity.
good write, but maybe you're attacking the wrong people.
You have a point, but at the same time the blame doesn't lay solely with people who watch and support them; a lot of these celebrities think they are talented, or that they are this or that they are that, which I believe to be a lot of the "problem".
I can't tell 12 years olds and the the people who work at E! that they are (in your words) cunts who make these people famous. But what I can do is write a joke letter to a celebrity who will never read it expressing my dislike.
:]
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