Board of Ethics for Grey's Anatomy

Dear cast of Grey's Anatomy,

Some ethical questions have been raised regarding your ability to doctor, and I have been sent in to investigate before submitting a report to my superiors. Let's begin.

It seems that every week a new slue of patients pass through your doors, all with their fair share of incredibly rare and unlikely diseases. But, regardless of the complete unlikeliness that everyone in the state would come to your hospital with all of the one-in-a-million cases, it becomes your job as soon as they are in a hospital bed to treat them and get them out as soon as possible, with the best care and comfort possible.

However, it has come to my attention that actually treating them is a very rare occurrence in your hospital, as you are all too busy having sex, feeling sorry for yourself, and getting emotionally involved in every single case you work on.

Now, there is nothing wrong with a doctor who cares, but it seems you all care so much that when the patient dies (as they also do) you are sent into a spiral of depression, like the person was your own sister or brother. And the reason they generally die is because, even though we all know you care so much, all you do is talk about how much you care with the fellow staff members. And when you finally get around to doing surgery, all you do is talk about yourself and your own problems at home, inevitably cutting into the patients artery and killing him because you weren't paying attention. Like the time you dropped a kidney on the ground, yet still put it in the poor woman because "the 5 second rule" was in effect.

It seems that none of you went to medical school; in fact, I wouldn't be surprised if you all told me that you got your medical degrees when you sent in 20 cereal box lids with proof of purchase.

As well, your hospital has had roofs collapse on patients while they are in surgery, flooding and even one doctor who sent a patient (whom she was having a love affair with) into cardiac arrest just so he could climb the donor list (and then he died).

Speaking of love affairs, why are you all dating each other?! If the term "don't dip your pen in the company ink" applies anywhere, this is the place. Imagine going into a hospital to have life saving surgery, only to discover your two surgeons are dating, had a major fight the night before and haven't been talking to each other all day....

I have never seen such selfish, unprofessional and attractive doctors in all my life!

You should all have your degrees taken away from you and your hospital closed. Never in a million years would I willingly check myself into your hospital, and if a friend of mine was so unfortunate as to wind up under your knife, I would begin preparing the funeral immediately.

With love,
A Woman Made of Dust